Living Zen Life

I find myself standing between giants -
Dōgen of Japan (1400-1453)
     founded a monastery and a school
Stonehouse of China (1272-1352)
     left a monastery founded a thatch hut in the mountains.

I stand between knowing and not knowing Zen 
always more questions than answers.
Dogen tried to explain Zen
Stonehouse began living Zen.
Both sat in Zen meditation
recognizing the boundlessness of emptiness
following the Zen inside them.
I too sit, following the Zen in me
our Zen is the same
no matter how different.
They are Zen giants. I am me.

I've taken a retreat from sangha
allowing room for questions to emerge -
trouble for sure!
Is it not better to stick with one teacher or the other
put blinders on and stay out of the in-between?
No. It seems I'm not built that way.
I try to change but then ask, why?
My Zen is who I am.

I will go back to sangha
having listened to my body
my need to still and in stillness
recognize my loss my age
my desire and need to live peaceably 
between the rules that dominated my earlier life
and the freedom my Zen life is in me now. 
Masters Dogen and Stonehouse -
living teachers in me from the distant past
privileged to stand between them
learning from and inspired by both.
What will come of this dubious collaboration
remains to be seen.